Hooray its MONDAY

How do you like to spend your Sunday?

   

Sunday is a guilt-free day to be lying in bed, so snuggle up and enjoy. Picture: ThinkStock  

IT'S the day of the week many of us hate, almost as much as its bigger and uglier sibling called Monday.

But while it's a time many of us sit there worrying about going to work the next day, there's plenty of other reasons why you should quit thinking the weekend is over and just enjoy it.

Aside from being able to lie in as long as you like, and being able to sit around all day in your PJs, there's plenty of other reasons to celebrate the start of the week.

So sit back, relax and take a load off, because if you can't do it on a Sunday then, frankly, when can you?

Ten reasons why Sunday is awesome

1. Lie in as long as you like

Let's face it, this is the best day to snuggle up and forget you have anything to get up for, especially if you've had a big one the night before. It's probably the only day in the whole week you can sleep guilt free and know it's totally OK.

2. Brunch with mates

This is the best day in the week when you, your mates and your family are at their most relaxed and up for a lazy long chat over breakfast at your favourite cafe. Again, not having to rush off anywhere is a liberating feeling so embrace it, eat, drink and be merry.

3. Sport - any kind

Sunday is the day for sport, whether it's on TV, gathering at a mate's place or at the game itself, this is the time to start watching. It doesn't matter what, just do it, you may even enjoy it.

4. Sunday night TV

There's nothing that takes the dull ache off going to work more than sitting around watching MasterChef, The Mentalist or House Husbands. Even if you don't like any of these shows, Simon Baker is enough of a drawcard to make most of the ladies at least look forward to this time of the week.

5. Coffee and the papers

Nothing beats sitting in your favourite cafe or just at home, sipping on a soy latte or peppermint tea for hours and reading the paper cover to cover. It's probably the only day of the week the local barista won't be giving you filthy looks for sipping on the one coffee all day.

 

6. Sunday session

Nothing beats going down to the local waterhole for a lunchtime beer and bumping into your mates and neighbours. Soon enough you realise your one beer has turned into four, but that's OK - it's Sunday.

7. Sitting around in your PJs and nightgown

You've had a hard week and don't need to go anywhere so why bother getting dressed? There's only one other day in the week you can get away with that and the guilt sets in if it's a Saturday. So with that in mind, hold the shower and revel in your nightclothes.

8. Catch up on your favourite shows

Like most busy people, there's not a lot of time between work, family, friends and going out, to sit for more than one episode and catch up on your favourite TV during the week. It's a day of rest so grab the blanket and pillow, lie back and get the remote ready.

 

9. Have a tea and read a book

Often neglected, this pleasure is often reserved for the bus going into work or while waiting at the dentist or doctor's surgery. But why wait for an excuse? Put the kettle on and warm up your favourite seat and get familiar with your favourite author.

 

10. Spend the day cooking, cleaning and getting organised for ... Monday

OK this might not be everyone's idea of a great Sunday, but knowing all that boring stuff is out of the way for the week ahead means you can spend more time doing lots of the stuff above.

How do you like to spend your Sunday? Let us know in the comments below

 

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How to prepare for Monday on Friday

11 Ways to Beat the Monday Blues

If the start of your workweek triggers overwhelming feelings of anxiety, sadness, or stress, you might have a case of the Mondays.

With help from Alexander Kjerulf, an international author and speaker on happiness at work, Rita Friedman, a Philadelphia-based career coach, Ryan Kahn, a career coach, founder of The Hired Group, star of MTV’s Hired, and author of Hired! The Guide for the Recent Grad, Sara Sutton Fell, CEO and founder of FlexJobs, and  Deborah Shane, a career author, featured writer, speaker, and media and marketing consultant, I've compiled a list of 11 things you can do to beat the dreaded 'Monday Blues.'

1. Identify the problem.

“The first thing to do is to ask yourself what’s wrong,” Kjerulf says. If you have the Monday Blues most weeks, then this is not something you should laugh off or just live with. It’s a significant sign that you are unhappy at work and you need to fix it or move on and find another job. Sutton Fell suggests making a list of the things that are bringing you down in your job.

“Maybe it’s a negative co-worker or a meeting with your boss first thing on Monday morning, or maybe it’s that you don’t feel challenged–or maybe it’s all of the above,” she says. “In either case, clarifying what is bothering you can help you try to be active in finding solutions. It’s a way of empowering you to take charge and try to improve the situation.” 

 

Kjerulf says if you only suffer the occasional bout of mild Monday Blues, then you can do some things to successfully cheer yourself and others up on an otherwise dreary Monday.   

 

2. Prepare for Monday on Friday.

 

“Mondays can be extra stressful from work that has potentially piled up from the previous week and, for many, can be challenging to jump right back in,” Kahn says.
To help combat that Monday morning anxiety, be sure to leave yourself as few dreadful tasks as possible on Friday afternoon, Friedman says. “By taking care of the things you least want to handle at the end of one work week, you’re making the start of the next that much better.”
If you do have any unpleasant tasks awaiting your attention Monday morning, get them done as early as possible so that you don’t spend the rest of the day procrastinating or “feeling as if there’s a black cloud hanging over your head,” she says. “Make that uncomfortable phone call, resolve that outstanding issue, or clean up that mess that’s waiting for you. You’ll feel a lot better once it’s over.” 

 
You’ll also want to make sure your calendar is up to date and synched, and you have a good view of and handle on your upcoming work week–especially Monday, Shane says. “What do you need to prepare for and get organized with? Get it done Friday, or by Sunday, if possible.” 

3. Make a list of the things you're excited about.

“We often look at the week ahead of us and think of all the tough stuff we have to do and the difficult tasks ahead of us,” Kjerulf says. “Turn that around. Sunday evening, make a list of three things you look forward to at work that week. This might put you in a more positive mood. If you can’t think of three things you look forward to, that might be an indication that you need to make some changes.” 

4. Unplug over the weekend.

If possible, try to avoid checking work e-mail or voicemail over the weekend, especially if you’re not going to respond until Monday anyway, Friedman says. “It can be tempting to know what’s waiting for you, but drawing clearly defined boundaries between work and personal time can help keep things in check.  When you leave the office on Friday, leave your office problems there and focus on enjoying your time off. Sometimes going back to work on Monday feels especially frustrating because you let it creep into your off-time, and so it never even feels like you had a weekend at all.” 

5. Get enough sleep and wake up early.

Go to bed a little early on Sunday night and be sure to get enough sleep so that you wake up feeling well-rested, Friedman says.  “If you’re only running on a couple of hours of sleep, it’s unlikely that you’re going to feel good about going anywhere when the alarm goes off Monday morning.”
Although it might seem counter-intuitive, waking up an extra 15 to 30 minutes early on Monday morning can actually make going back to the office easier.  “Having a little more ‘me time’ instead of feeling like you’re trapped in a time crunch can make that transition a little easier,” she says. “Taking the time to enjoy a healthy breakfast, do some exercises, or take the dog for a walk can help you feel more centered for the rest of the day, and can help you remember that you’re not a robot who just sleeps and works.” 

6. Dress for success.

“Dress up, perk up and show up ready to be positive and help others be positive,” Shane says. “Be the light and energy that makes others have a better day. Show and share your spirit, charisma and vibe and make yourself magnetic.”
Kahn agrees. He suggests you use Monday as the day to wear your favorite new outfit. This can help build your confidence around the office and might get you a few complements from co-workers, he says.
Sutton Fell says when you look good, you feel good. ”Feeling good about yourself is half of the battle on Monday mornings, because rather than being deflated by work you want to face it with confidence." 

7. Be positive.

Start the week out with an “attitude of gratitude,” Kahn says. “Take time to recognize and appreciate the things that you enjoy about work.”
This starts before you even get to work. To pump yourself up on your way in to work, try listening to your favorite songs, Friedman says.  “Think about the type of playlist you would create for a workout, and incorporate that same upbeat, high-energy music into your morning preparation or commute.”
When you get to the office, do your best not to be a complainer–and keep your Monday morning grumpiness to yourself, Friedman adds. “In the same vein, don’t listen to other people’s Monday gripes. Creating or contributing to a culture of complaining is no way to improve your attitude.”
Shane says you must make a decision to turn negative reluctance and dread into a “positive, productive and excited welcome to Monday energy.” Start with Friday and make sure your desk is organized, and your work to-do list is ready to go for the following week. “Take Sunday to rest, review and reward, but plan for and get ready to leap into Monday.”
If you’re able to be a source of positivity in the workplace, not only will you make your day more enjoyable, but you’ll also make the work environment better for those around you, Kahn concludes.

8. Make someone else happy.

Make a vow to do something nice for someone else as soon as you get to work on Monday, Sutton Fell suggests. “Doing nice things for other people definitely can lift the spirits, and in this case, it could actually help shift the overall mood in your office,” she says. “Paying it forward can yield great results all around.”
Kjerulf agrees. He says we know from research in positive psychology that one of the best ways to cheer yourself up is to make someone else happy. “You might compliment a co-worker, do something nice for a customer, help out a stranger on the street or find some other way to make someone else’s day a little better.” 

9. Keep your Monday schedule light.

Knowing that Mondays are traditionally busy days at the office, a good strategy is keep you Monday schedule as clear as possible, Kahn says. “When you’re planning meetings ahead, try to schedule them for Tuesdays and Wednesdays. This will help you to come into Monday with more ease from the weekend.”
Instead of tackling the biggest and most complicated tasks early on Monday, take some time for easier, more routine stuff, Kjerulf says. “This might get you up and running and give you the energy for the hairier tasks.”
But beware: If you have too much free time—you’ll sit around “feeling blue,” Shane says. 

10. Have fun at work.

Take it upon yourself to do things that you enjoy in the office on Monday, Kahn says. “Maybe bring donuts for your colleagues or take a quick break to catch up with friend in the office. Sharing stories about the weekend with co-workers can be fun and also is a great way to strengthen your interoffice network.”
Sutton Fell says to schedule a weekly Monday coffee break or lunch with a friend.  “Create an event that you will look forward to on Mondays as a way to break up the day with some known positivity.  At the very least, it gives you a chance to take a deep breath, talk with a friend, and regroup for the rest of the day.” 

11. Have a post-work plan.

Your day shouldn’t just be about trudging through Monday to get it over with, but about looking forward to something. “By making Monday a special day where you get to go out with friends, make your favorite dinner, or eat a bowl of popcorn and catch up on a TV show you recorded, the day doesn’t have to be all about getting up to go into the office,” Friedman says. 

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Overcoming Fear of Failure- Facing Fears and Moving Forward

Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all? Or has a fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure?

Many of us have probably experienced this at one time or another. The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward. But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.

In this article, we'll examine fear of failure: what it means, what causes it, and how to overcome it to enjoy true success in work, and in life.
 

Causes of Fear of Failure

To find the causes of fear of failure, we first need to understand what "failure" actually means.

We all have different definitions of failure, simply because we all have different benchmarks, values, and belief systems. A failure to one person might simply be a great learning experience for someone else.

Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time. But fear of failure (also called "atychiphobia") is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that can move us forward to achieve our goals.

Fear of failure can be linked to many causes. For instance, having critical or unsupportive parents is a cause for some people. Because they were routinely undermined or humiliated in childhood, they carry those negative feelings into adulthood.

Experiencing a traumatic event at some point in your life can also be a cause. For example, say that several years ago you gave an important presentation in front of a large group, and you did very poorly. The experience might have been so terrible that you developed a fear of failure about other things. And you carry that fear even now, years later.
Signs of Fear of Failure

You might experience some of these symptoms if you have a fear of failure:

• A reluctance to try new things or get involved in challenging projects.
• Self-sabotage   – for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety, or a failure to follow through with goals.
• Low self-esteem or self-confidence   – Commonly using negative statements such as "I'll never be good enough to get that promotion," or "I'm not smart enough to get on that team."
• Perfectionism – A willingness to try only those things that you know you'll finish perfectly and successfully.

"Failure" – A Matter of Perspective

It's almost impossible to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure. People who to do so probably live so cautiously that they go nowhere. Put simply, they're not really living at all.

The wonderful thing about failure is that it's entirely up to us to decide how to look at it.

We can choose to see failure as "the end of the world," or as proof of just how inadequate we are. Or, we can look at failure as the incredible learning experience that it often is. Every time we fail at something, we can choose to look for the lesson we're meant to learn. These lessons are very important; they're how we grow, and how we keep from making that same mistake again. Failures stop us only if we let them.

It's easy to find successful people who have experienced failure. For example:
 

• Michael Jordan is widely considered to be one of the greatest basketball players of all time. And yet, he was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn't think he had enough skill.
• Warren Buffet, one of the world's richest and most successful businessmen, was rejected by Harvard University.
• Richard Branson, owner of the Virgin empire, is a high school dropout.

Most of us will stumble and fall in life. Doors will get slammed in our faces, and we might make some bad decisions. But imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on his dream to play basketball when he was cut from that team. Imagine if Richard Branson had listened to the people who told him he'd never do anything worthwhile without a high school diploma.

Think of the opportunities you'll miss if you let your failures stop you.

Failure can also teach us things about ourselves that we would never have learned otherwise. For instance, failure can help you discover how strong a person you are. Failing at something can help you discover your truest friends, or help you find unexpected motivation to succeed.

Often, valuable insights come only after a failure. Accepting and learning from those insights is key to succeeding in life.
 

Overcoming a Fear of Failure

It's important to realize that in everything we do, there's always a chance that we'll fail. Facing that chance, and embracing it, is not only courageous – it also gives us a fuller, more rewarding life.

However, here are a few ways to reduce the fear of failing:
 

• Analyze all potential outcomes – Many people experience fear of failure because they fear the unknown. Remove that fear by considering all of the potential outcomes of your decision. Our article Decision Trees   will teach you how to map possible outcomes visually.
• Learn to think more positively – Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to build self-confidence and neutralize self-sabotage. Our article Thought Awareness, Rational Thinking, and Positive Thinking is a comprehensive resource for learning how to change your thoughts.
• Look at the worse-case scenario – In some cases, the worst case scenario may be genuinely disastrous, and it may be perfectly rational to fear failure. In other cases, however, this worst case may actually not be that bad, and recognizing this can help.
• Have a contingency plan   – If you're afraid of failing at something, having a "Plan B" in place can help you feel more confident about moving forward.

Using Goal Setting

If you have a fear of failure, you might be uncomfortable setting goals  . But goals help us define where we want to go in life. Without goals, we have no sure destination.

Many experts recommend visualization   as a powerful tool for goal setting. Imagining how life will be after you've reached your goal is a great motivator to keep you moving forward.

However, visualization might produce the opposite results in people who have a fear of failure. In the article "Tantalizing Fantasies: Positive Imagery Induces Negative Mood in Individuals High in Fear of Failure" (published in the journal Imagination, Cognition and Personality, Vol. 21, No. 4), researcher Thomas Langens showed that people who have a fear of failure were often left in a strong negative mood after being asked to visualize goals and goal attainment.

So, what can you do instead?

Start by setting a few small goals. These should be goals that are slightly, but not overwhelmingly, challenging. Think of these goals as "early wins" that are designed to help boost your confidence.

For example, if you've been too afraid to talk to the new department head (who has the power to give you the promotion you want), then make that your first goal. Plan to stop by her office during the next week to introduce yourself.

Or, imagine that you've dreamed of returning to school to get your MBA, but you're convinced that you're not smart enough to be accepted into business school. Set a goal to talk with a school counselor or admissions officer to see what's required for admission.

Try to make your goals tiny steps on the route to much bigger goals. Don't focus on the end picture: getting the promotion, or graduating with an MBA. Just focus on the next step: introducing yourself to the department head, and talking to an admissions officer. That's it.

Taking one small step at a time will help build your confidence, keep you moving forward, and prevent you from getting overwhelmed with visions of your final goal.
 

Note:

Sometimes, fear of failure can be a symptom of a more serious mental health condition. If fear of failure affects your day-to-day life, it's important to speak with your doctor to get advice.
 

Key Points

Many of us sometimes experience a fear of failure, but we mustn't let that fear to stop us from moving forward.

Fear of failure can have several causes: from childhood events to mistakes we've made in our adult lives. It's important to realize that we always have a choice: we can choose to be afraid, or we can choose not to be.

Start by setting small goals that will help build your confidence. Learn how to explore and evaluate all possible outcomes rationally and develop contingency plans; and practice thinking positively. By moving forward slowly but steadily, you'll begin to overcome your fear of failure.

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Forget Work Life Balance - Seven Paradigm Shifts for The New 24/7 Normal

Is the work life juggle driving you insane?  The reality of life is that we have a “new normal”. Five trends create this new normal:

• Technology enables us to be always connected
• There are fewer people needing to do more work
• Globalization and speed of information flow demands 24/7 responsiveness
• The speed of change is more than we can keep up with
• The need to be “on” as new competitors emerge from unlikely places

I am a big fan of Albert Einstein. One of my favorite quotes is “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  If the way we’re working doesn’t work, we need to shift our paradigms about work. Otherwise, we risk burning ourselves out. Organizations risk employees who are stressed out, run out of creative fuel, and disengage.

So, how do we find a way to not just survive, but thrive in this new normal?  These trends demand an evolution in how we manage ourselves, and how organizations create cultures, rewards, and structures to help this evolution.

Seven Paradigm Shifts to Work in The New Normal

1) Move from work life balance to work life energy – The boundaries between work and life are blurred.  We are most discontent with work life balance when we are burned out and not refueling ourselves.  Stop trying to balance and start thinking about ways we can be fully energized and creative for all of our life. In writing this article, I was trying to find how Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Martin Luther King, Richard Branson, Oprah Winfrey and other inventors, change agents, and visionaries dealt with their frustrations about work life balance. I didn’t find much on the topic.  These individuals have lived lives of passion and contribution. What does that look like for you?

2) Move from rigid to personalized - Work life energy is personal.  We need to identify what personally energizes us in work and life and move toward that. Rigid role definitions and structures of work need to become more fluid to accommodate what brings greater flexibility, flow and energy to people – because energized people are most creative and best serve our customers.   What helps one person feel “in balance” is very different than that for another person. It also varies according to life stage.  In my 20’s I used to joke with my colleagues at P&G that I had no issues with work life balance – because I had no life. And I was okay with that.

3) Move from balance on the outside to balance on the inside - Many of us are tempted to believe “If I just had a less demanding job I’d have more balance”.  There is a Zen saying: “Wherever you go, there you are.” Our level of stress has more to do with our response to events than the event or job itself.  A significant part of work life balance is managing the mindsets we have – what stresses us out and how we manage that stress.  We need to evolve our skill sets and strengthen our prioritization muscles. What mindsets keep you stressed out?

4) Move from “work harder” to “work with passion”- Most of us are already working pretty hard and it can deplete us. However, there is a type of work we each do that we can do for hours that doesn’t deplete us. It energizes us. It puts us in flow. We are our most creative and resourceful when we are in flow. We need to find this work and spend more of our time doing it. Organizations need to help people discover this work and align their career paths around it.

5) Move from managing time to managing attention - We can be slaves of the clock – running from one meeting to the other, multi-tasking at work and at home. Multi-tasking is a myth. Our brain just moves from one task to another really fast. It creates additional stress and makes us less productive. We are not present to where we are. Albert Einstein said: “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” To have more work life energy, manage your attention. Be present.

6) Move from “work more hours” to “rest more hours”- Research shows that when we allow ourselves to relax, to have fun, it allows our creativity to flow through.  Our friend, Albert Einstein said: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”. Get some rest. Pause. Organization cultures need to allow for fun and rest as part of a productive workforce.

7) Move from balance being an end-state to balance being a practice – We often go through the search for work life balance as if it’s a “Where’s Waldo” exercise.  Work life balance is not a destination. It’s how we navigate the journey.  We walk in balance by having a set of tools and principles we practice on an on-going basis. Do you know the most effective tools for you? Here are some practices for work life sanity.

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6 Habits of Remarkably Likable People

 

They're charming. They're genuine. And they can make an entire room full of people smile.  

When you meet someone, after, "What do you do?" you're out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you're a little shy and a little insecure. 

But you want to make a good impression. You want people to genuinely like you.

Here's how remarkably likeable people do it:

They lose the power pose.

I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.

It's great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you're trying to establish your importance. That makes the "meeting" seem like it's more about you than it is the other person--and no one likes that.

No matter how big a deal you are you pale in comparison to say, oh, Nelson Mandela. So take a cue from him. Watch how he greets Bill Clinton, no slouch at this either.

Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the "you must come to me" power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly, to bow (a clear sign of deference and respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you have are two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance or status. They're genuine.

Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you're the one who is honored by the introduction--not them.

We all like people who like us. If I show you I'm genuinely happy to meet you, you'll instantly start to like me. (And you'll show that you do, which will help calm my nerves and let me be myself.)

They embrace the power of touch.

Nonsexual touch can be very powerful. (Yes, I'm aware that sexual touch can be powerful too.) Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly.

Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.

Check out Clinton's right-hand-shakes-hands-left-hand-touches-Mandela's-forearm-a-second-later handshake in the link above and tell me, combined with his posture and smile, that it doesn't come across as genuine and sincere.

Think the same won't work for you? Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you'll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.

Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked.

They whip out their social jiu-jitsu.

You meet someone. You talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, "Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome."

Then, when you think about it later, you realize you didn't learn a thing about the other person.

Remarkably likeable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters are fascinated by every step you took in creating a particularly clever pivot table, by every decision you made when you transformed a 200-slide PowerPoint into a TED Talk-worthy presentation, if you do say so yourself...

SJJ masters use their interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell on you.

And you like them for it.

Social jiu-jitsu is easy. Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who.

As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask how they did it. Or why they did it. Or what they liked about it, or what they learned from it, or what you should do if you're in a similar situation.

No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person's opinion--and, by extension, the person.

We all like people who respect us, if only because it shows they display great judgment.

(Kidding. Sort of.)

They whip out something genuine.

Everyone is better than you at something. (Yes, that's true even for you.) Let them be better than you.

Too many people when they first meet engage in some form of penis-measuring contest. 

Crude reference but one that instantly calls to mind a time you saw two alpha male master-of-the business-universe types whip out their figurative rulers. (Not literally, of course. I hope you haven't seen that.)

Don't try to win the "getting to know someone" competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing or a weakness.

You don't have to disclose your darkest secrets. If the other person says, "We just purchased a larger facility," say, "That's awesome. I have to admit I'm jealous. We've wanted to move for a couple years but haven't been able to put together the financing. How did you pull it off?"

Don't be afraid to show a little vulnerability. People may be (momentarily) impressed by the artificial, but people sincerely like the genuine.

Be the real you. People will like the real you.

They ask for nothing.

You know the moment: You're having a great conversation, you're finding things in common... and then bam! Someone plays the networking card. 

And everything about your interaction changes.

Put away the hard-charging, goal-oriented, always-on kinda persona. If you have to ask for something, find a way to help the other person, then ask if you can.

Remarkably likeable people focus on what they can do for you--not for themselves.

They "close" genuinely.

"Nice to meet you," you say, nodding once as you part. That's the standard move, one that is instantly forgettable.

Instead go back to the beginning. Shake hands again. Use your free hand to gently touch the other person's forearm or shoulder. Say, "I am really glad I met you." Or say, "You know, I really enjoyed talking with you." Smile: Not that insincere salesperson smile that goes with, "Have a nice day!" but a genuine, appreciative smile.

Making a great first impression is important, but so is making a great last impression.

And they accept it isn't easy.

All this sounds simple, right? It is. But it's not easy, especially if you're shy. The standard, power pose, "Hello, how are you, good to meet you, good seeing you," shuffle feels a lot safer.

But it won't make people like you.

So accept it's hard. Accept that being a little more deferential, a little more genuine, a little more complimentary and a little more vulnerable means putting yourself out there. Accept that at first it will feel risky.

But don't worry: When you help people feel a little better about themselves--which is reason enough--they'll like you for it.

And you'll like yourself a little more, too.

By JEFF HADEN